ARTificial

One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well…

— Virginia Woolf

I made perhaps one of the greatest discoveries in my adventure to eat well and take care of my pancreas. It comes in the variation from a pale ivory to a creamy orange tone (the more orange the better as the darker and richer the tone, the higher the carotene content) and is large, round and delicious.

I have fallen in love with Spaghetti Squash.

I had read about this strange vegetable before, but always been a little scared to try to make it. The Spaghetti Squash (not to be confused with the almighty Flying Spaghetti Monster) is a winter squash, containing seeds and when raw has a similar consistancy to others in the same family. However, when cooked properly, the innards become something of a softer consistency and retain a string-like quality similar to spaghetti. Hence the name!

What is great about this vegetable is it is a perfect fit as a replacement food for my pancreatic diet I’m forced into. Being low in calorie content - averaging 42 calories per cup - yet rich in flavor and nutrients, I am able to easily digest the squash and not miss some of my favorite foods. It packs a powerful punch full of folic acid, potassium, vitamin A and of course beta carotene. The squash has such a nice flavor, that it can be used as a substitute for virtually any grain. It’s great for noodles, rice, couscous or quinoa recipes. Tossed with a little olive oil, salt, a light cheese and you have a meal in itself! Another bonus? You can roast the seeds with a little salt, similar to pumpkin seeds, for a light snack.

What made me so nervous about trying the vegetable was the size. When it comes to squash, I’m sort of an amateur. I’m not a big pumpkin person; I can’t stand the consistency. However, I absolutely love the flavor of butternut squash, and my two staples in my diet if I’m looking for a base are zuchinni and summer squash. Those two variants are small, easy to cook and pretty self explanatory when you’re in the produce aisle. However, the Spaghetti Squash is a large, oblong shape that, if I had no clue as to what it was, I wouldn’t bother with it.

Surprisingly, it’s not difficult.

The first step is cutting the squash in half. This takes a lot more than I had originally expected. You need to make sure your knife is as sharp as it can be and be very patient when trying to cut the thick skin. I used a regular kitchen knife and it took me about 15 minutes to work the skin through. I imagine if I had better knives, I would have been able to rock that squash open.

Next, you need to remove the seeds and the soft strings holding them in place. You can either save the seeds to roast in the oven with a dash of salt and a brush of olive oil, or discard. The part of the squash you will be baking will be the rough, raw walls of the squash.

Make sure you have your oven preheated at 350 degrees. Place the two halves on a baking pan and cook them for 40 to 50 minutes in the oven. You will know they are ready when you can take a fork, and dig the squash out of the halves and it flakes away into spaghetti-like strings.

There are many ways to cook the squash. This is my first attempt and I will tell you, the oven is perfect. They have suggested microwaving, boiling and even using a crock pot, however, I would think that this would dilute the rich flavor.

It produces a lot of food, so be ready to use it in several recipes. Fresh from the oven, I used it as a base for the Thai chicken recipe I made. Using some of Maranatha’s Tahini Nut Butter as a substitute for the overly rich sauce that curries produce, it added such a creaminess to the Spaghetti Squash that I thought I was eating something I shouldn’t. Absolutely fabulous.

Last night, using a spray butter instead of a pat of butter, I covered the spaghetti squash in a light dose and sprinkled some mozzarella on top. I microwaved for 30 seconds, and voila! I was in late night hunger heaven.

I’m excited to try different pasta sauces that I have recipes for with it. I can only imagine what my light alfredo sauce and my homemade spaghetti sauce with do for the vegetable. On it’s own, the Spaghetti Squash is delicious as well. I can envision using it as a lighter base for fried chicken for my husband, as well a great addition to crab cake recipes.

I encourage everyone to look in their local markets produce. When and if I ever get a yard again, I might venture into the field of gardening just to have my own at a moment’s notice. I’m a horrible gardener, but as I have just become the biggest fan of the Spaghetti Squash, I might just have to learn!

(Source: facebook.com)

“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”

— Marilyn Monroe

Reflections from an old married woman

I’ve noticed a disturbing trend as I look through Facebook status updates and even photos on my Instagram program. Many women, and even some young men, believe they will never be happy simply for the reason that they are not married or in a relationship. This trend became an even bigger reality as I was tattooing a client the other night. He’s a 27 year old male, successful in what he has chosen for his occupation, well traveled - not only in our country but others as well - and is intelligent. He stated that he really has nothing as he nears 30 because he’s not married.

Now, I have been married for 10 years. And I don’t regret being married; let’s get that out there first of all, so that none of this is taken the wrong way. I value my relationship, and as we passed a huge milestone when we hit our last anniversary, it has made me that much more proud of what I have. However, I do not lay stake in my own personal happiness and accomplishments on my relationships.

The best way to explain this is through this statement:

I do not need anyone or anything to achieve happiness and to accomplish my goals. I want relationships in order to enrich my life.

I can take care of myself and have proven so on countless occasions. I keep a lot of my health issues to myself as I know that I am the only one who can really take care of me. I have been alone for more than 48% of those 10 years due to the military, college and various other issues. Yes, I miss my husband more than I miss breathing when we are not together. However, the moments we do get to spend together are amazing and are cherished that much more. From that time alone, I have learned that I can live a productive life on my own, plus some. (Plus some example: When he’s deployed, I have to live for both of us.

I have friends, I have family and I have a husband because it makes life that much sweeter. They add to my life in ways that make it fun and exciting. I look forward to conversations and affection. I do not have these relationships because I’m dependent on them or need them.

However, if you honestly think that you have to be in a relationship in order to achieve happiness, than you are not living up to your potential and therefore not really living. As an old married woman, I have learned that if you can not live with yourself, if you can not achieve living on your own, as your own, than you can not succeed in external relationships.

I got into a conversation with another client last week. She is young - 19 or 20 - and claims that she is in a failing marriage due to getting married too young. She isn’t divorced yet, and has started a relationship on the side with another young man. Too young has nothing to do with age - I was married when I was 18. It’s the mentality that you approach the relationship. I don’t see her side relationship being any better than the one she wants to leave until she mentally can mature enough to accept herself. I almost think she might be like the other people mentioned in my blog - simply afraid of being alone. The only words of advice I could give her - you can’t be selfish in a marriage. I could go on and on at that conversation, but that’s a whole different blog all together. All I can say is the following is hung up in my tattoo station:

My favorite gift I have received from a friend of mine from college

I don’t know. I’m not perfect. I don’t have the perfect marriage. But I have learned a lot. Not only from my own situation, but from those around me. Yes, I love my husband. Yes, I love my family. Yes, I love and miss my friends. However, I recognize the fact that I can survive on my own if need be. I guess I’m just in a self reflective mood. And I am really trying to learn how to love who I have become over the past few years. And this blog is therapy in me trying to accomplish that.

The big thing that has become a road block in being successful at finding myself again is the fact that I keep getting lied to. I keep getting walked all over. I keep getting yelled at and treated like a child. The past few weeks, it seems like if I try to open my mouth, people are quick to temper towards me. If I try to speak my mind, I get my hand slapped. And if I try to express myself creatively, it’s never enough for those around me. It has brought me down into a level of self-loathing and under-appreciation for what I can do. I have tried really hard to keep that New Year’s Resolution on being a more positive person.

Every time these things are thrown at me, I remind myself that I do not need these outside relationships. I want them in order to enrich my life. And maybe, just maybe, if they aren’t going to continue to enrich them, I need to start looking deeper in myself for self fulfillment so that I can be open to those relationships once more.

(Source: facebook.com)

An artist is a dreamer consenting to dream of the actual world

— George Santayana

I feel like I’m getting sucked into this big black cloud again.

I had a pretty insane weekend at work. I tattooed late each night; I didn’t get home until 4am Sunday. I don’t mind doing that occasionally because I understand that sometimes, that’s the only time someone can get the work done that they want. I have always tried to remain very professional with my tattoo clients. I always sketch something out first, and explain what I am going to do, and than get their input as well. I put 100% of myself into every piece of artwork I do - no matter the canvas.

Saturday night, I had an Airman who is training on Keesler Air Force Base come in for his first tattoo. Due to an unprepared client earlier in the day, I was running slightly behind on all of my appointments. This always upsets me as I am a stickler for time. However, I went over and talked to the Airman and his friend to make sure they were ok with waiting, and they were. I finally got to this Airman. He wanted a very vibrant and colorful stylized flaming heart. He said he wanted the colors to just scream off of his arm. This is something that is right up my alley. I love color, and I love stylizing a tattoo. In the middle of the heart, he wanted his girlfriends name. I teased him about the name - we all know how that curse works - and went back to draw it up for him.

I came out with my sketch, and explained the reds, yellows and blues I would be putting through out the tattoo. He was extremely excited, said he loved it, he just wanted more of the flames. So I drew up more flames, and left an empty spot because he said he wanted to come back later to add lips to the tattoo.

During the entire process, he is watching. He is getting really excited with every color I use. His friend that is with him is very complimentary of the tattoo as well. I finish it, he says he loves it, we wrap him up and send him on his way after I take a few notes on the next tattoo he wants me to draw up for him.

I was so excited about the tattoo myself. I really do love tattooing. I claim that after the end of the Print Media Reich, and I took the tattooing path, that I entered early retirement as I found something I am passionate about and love to do. When I draw up a tattoo for a client, I become excited to put the piece on them and to finalize it as well. I’m one of those nerdy tattoo artists that will do something on the skin and sit back and get super excited about what I’m seeing and verbally let the client know. I put the image up on my websites, and have gotten positive feedback.

The tattoo I did on the Airman that is in question…

Last night, I got off work and headed home. I received a text message from one of my clients up in Biloxi. He said that they had run into the Airman and he was talking about how “shitty” his tattoo was; how “shitty” of a job I did. He complained to them that it’s not what he wanted and that all of his friends said it was a “shitty” tattoo; A lot of emphasis on the “shitty.”

I’m absolutely shaken. I really try to communicate with my clients on the utmost top level. I’m honest; brutally honest sometimes. I expect them to be honest with me as well. I went from, “Man I had a great weekend doing some really great work,” to “Man, what am I doing with my life?” I’ve always had my art work to rely on. I’ve always pushed myself everyday to do bigger and better quality work. I am so disheartened because he honestly acted like he loved the work I put together for him. I would never put something on someone that they didn’t seem to honestly be up for. And now I am in this situation where he and his friend had set up a future appointment, and I have a drawing on the table for this guy. Do I call and ask him if he wants to cancel the appointment since my work is so “shitty”? Do I wait it out and see what happens? Do I finish this sketch that I have for him?

I know a lot of people do not take me seriously because I’m a tattoo artist. It’s sort of a taboo profession. On top of that, I am a female tattoo artist, and that’s even more cause for people to shrug me off. However, I have always tried to maintain professionalism even with the most flighty of clients. I take everyone who sits in my chair seriously and try to be real with every one of them. Ditching out on appointments, having me draw things up that you have no intention of coming back for or lying to me is something that I honestly feel like I do not deserve. I am offering a service, just as anyone else in any other professional field does. My books run off of these appointments. I fill up quickly at both of the locations I tattoo at, and when you set up a time to come in, I only find it fair that you meet that time. And if you can’t, or change your mind, let me know ahead of time.

These are the biggest reasons why I feel I should reach out to this client. I could fit other people in these spots, and though I say it’s never a waste of time for me to sit down and draw, I have a lot on my plate to create as it is. If he hates my work that much, I prefer he find someone else who can give him more of what he’s looking for, and not waste my time that I could devote to people who are into what I’m dishing out.

I couldn’t sleep last night over this delimma. I really do feel lost at this point. I’m starting to question myself and second guess what I have already done with my career. I feel like I put myself out there almost too much, and that goes against my grain. Do I need to change directions with my art? Do I need to take a step back and change everything that I’ve built to this point?

I have no idea what to do.

(Source: facebook.com)

General notions are generally wrong.

— Lady Mary Wortley Montagu

So the idea that the experiences that happen to us, regardless of them being negative or positive, make us stronger… is a crock of shit.

Let me explain.

I honestly believe that you can definitely pull some good out of the things that you go through in your life, no matter what they are. I have always tried to do so, not only to better myself and to grow as a person, but also to help limit the regrets. However, I’m having a hard time at the moment being able to do this with some of the more traumatizing moments from my past.

From my drug use - which I had, for a long time, considered my most traumatizing moment and thought for sure it was a rock bottom point - I was able to look back and grow. I gave up the substances I abused and was able to refocus on the reasons why I had become dependent and address those issues. I worked on my self esteem, which has been an ongoing struggle, to a point where I began to feel more comfortable in my skin. I worked on my morality, and was able to pull strength from the fact that I enjoyed my humor, I enjoyed being blatantly honest and had a lot of faith and hope in the future. I pulled myself into my artwork and focused on the upcoming challenge of college.

Mostly from my addiction issue, I learned how powerful of an individually I am for overcoming it. Through that power, I was able to embrace me for who I was.

However, as of late, I am having struggles pulling anything good from other traumas. Instead of being able to grow from them, they simply piss me off. When I’m angry, I feel weak and powerless. My self esteem is gone, and I sit alone and replay all those moments in my head. I relive conversations, and I have a mountain of regrets from being held back and not able to defend myself in those situations. Every time I have a good day, something else pops up that kicks me right back down again and takes the wind from my sails. How can I take any strength from what I’ve been through? All I see is the blackness and all I can feel is anger.

I know that anger is pointless. I know that I need to lock these things away. But how can I do that when there are constant reminders daily of them? I can’t find good from the situation because I have yet to see it.

I can focus my energy into other things but it’s depleted. It’s enough energy not to scream that I have none left for anything else. The only peace I find is when I have a tattoo machine in my hand.

(Source: flickr.com)

Scratch that one off the Bucket List…

Go to Mardi Gras

Albert and I in our parade masks

So this past weekend I got to experience something that was towards the top of my bucket list. I got to go to Mardi Gras. And not only did I go, I got to go with two of my favorite people; my little sister Sara and my husband Albert.

We planned on Sara coming in late Saturday, leaving for New Orleans really early on Sunday and coming home that night. It seemed the odds were in our favor though. Sara showed up earlier than expected on Saturday night. We got to sit and hang out with a few drinks and some movies. I think we were all pretty excited for Sunday though, because we all ended up only sleeping for 3 hours. I started the morning off with some Big Brass Band and New Orleans favorites blaring to wake up Sara and Albert.

While we were all getting ready to hit the road, I jumped online to download the parade route for the Krewe of Bacchus and the Mardi Gras site had an option to ‘BOOK YOUR ROOM’. I thought, what the hey, and clicked on it to see if anything was available. Turns out there was AND they were pet friendly. We went ahead and booked the room and left for New Orleans in good spirits, Gunner in tow.

TIP #1 FOR MARDI GRAS: Leave as early as possible. We jumped on I-10 and thought we were making good time to arrive around Noon. By the time we hit the downtown exit, were were there by 1:30pm after sitting on the highway in traffic for a long period of time. Not that we cared too much… I love the city and am willing to sit in line to experience it over and over again.

On our way to my favorite city!

TIP #2 FOR MARDI GRAS: If you are staying anywhere close to the French Quarter, make sure you find out ahead of time if your hotel is on a street that fake cops want to close down for some unknown reason. We drove around the hotel 3 times trying to figure out how to get up that one way to the hotel since they had valet parking. When we stopped to ask the FAKE COPS if we could slide through since our hotel was there, he asked for a copy of our reservations and when I asked if he was serious - I like every other savvy citizen of the world made my hotel reservations over the phone and just had a confirmation number I wrote down - was promptly told to go around. You can imagine the rage face my husband shot at me. So I had to call the hotel and they told us to eff it, go the wrong way down the one way. And we did.

After the driving fiasco, the hotel staff was very polite and eager to help us check in. We stayed at the Maison Dupuy. It was a beautiful hotel. We got Gunner into the elevator and comfortable and hit the streets for Mardi Gras.

Even the road cones know how to “get smashed” during Mardi Gras

I can’t even put into words how fantastic it was. Sure, it was busy. There were people everywhere. But everytime I go to New Orleans, I feel at home. I enjoy eating the local faire, I enjoy experiencing the tourists that are out and about and love walking the streets. There were so many colors, and costumes. We ate lunch at the Riverfront Restaurant off Decatur - which was pretty mediocre but had a nice view - and met up with our friend Nikki Nash and her boyfriend. While there, some of the parade floats were working there way to St. Charles via Decatur and a thrill of excitement could be felt in the air. They were incomplete, and still the best pieces of artwork I had seen.

Me and Sara, enjoying Mardi Gras

TIP #3 FOR MARDI GRAS: Get plenty of sleep the night before. The alcohol consumption and the three hours of sleep were taking there toll on the husband, so he decided to nap while me and Sara went out to further take in New Orleans. We hit up our favorite Bourbon Street haunt - The Funky Pirate - as to people watch and take in a Hand Grenade. Which leads me to a half tip… because I’m sure the state of Louisiana wouldn’t endorse it, but it’s a must on my list…

TIP #3.5 FOR MARDI GRAS: Eff with the tourists. We were asked to film these guys doing the Shark Attack drinks at the Funky Pirate. While getting the phone from one of them, one of their friends comes up and goes “Wanna see MY favorite drink?” I said sure… He than proceeds to show me a pornographic image of a couple “doing it doggy style.” I looked at him, gave him my most confused look and go “You like to drink ass juice?” Looking at me like he just flunked a first grade spelling bee, he melted back into his crowd of friends as they laughed at him. We turned the video cameras on, and Sara added her own “special effects” by shaking the camera, manually zooming instead of using the zoom feature, and so on. Makes me wish I would have done some commentary!

Albert in full Mardi Gras Mode

As soon as Albert was up, we headed to the uptown area on St. Charles and Poydras to watch the parade. We showed up halfway through the Krewe of Thoth parade. I was amazed at how detailed the floats were. I was also amazed you didn’t have to remove clothing to get beads; they were throwing them off of anything and everything that moved. We found a nice little corner up close to the action and started to relax and enjoy the sites.

Will Ferrell, looking antsy about some bead tossing but oh so sparkly!

TIP #4 FOR MARDI GRAS: Watch the Krewe of Bacchus Parade. It was absolutely amazing. I have never seen anything so vibrant, so colorful, in all my life. The thought and the detail put into these master works of art are so painstakingly beautiful. Everywhere you looked there was a piece of New Orleans. And of course, this year’s officiator was Will Ferrell. I had made a poster to hold up featuring him.

My Mardi Gras poster I made for the Bacchus parade

As soon as we saw the lights from the distance, I started shaking. I was so excited to see Will Ferrell, and to experience this once-in-a-lifetime event.

The 2012 Bacchus officiator, Will Ferrell.

The parade lasted for hours, but I didn’t care. Every float was a different part of history. Traditions were learned. My brain was on a creative high. We were laughing and dancing in the streets to the tunes that the bands were playing in between each monsterously huge float. People all had the same goals; to enjoy life to the absolute fullest and embrace the beauty in front of you.

This float was amazing, and represents one of my favorite experience in NOLA… the cemeteries.

Everyone seems to only be about Bourbon Street when they come to New Orleans. And yes, everyone should experience it at least once because it’s intoxicating. However, as I have always said, and as Mardi Gras shows us, there is so much more to New Orleans than Bourbon Street. They had floats representing every corner of the city - from Bourbon Street to the Louisiana Purchase. Each one let me relive my personal experiences about New Orleans and the state of Louisiana. From the music, to the art, to different corners of the map, it was all represented and I think that’s what I found so exhilerating about the parade.

My favorite float of the night, the Bacchagator. They threw beads, and encouraged the parade goers to throw beads into the gator’s mouth. I started shaking I was so excited when I found out they built a giant gator float. Anyone who knows me, knows I’m obsesesed with them.

TIP #5 FOR MARDI GRAS: If you’re the last man standing, don’t let it bring you down. I was a little frustrated because my two partners in crime over indulged and tapped out early that night. I was mainly at that point because I didn’t want to let go of the night in New Orleans. But you know what? I was glad they indulged and enjoyed themselves; Sara and Albert are always a dynamic duo to hang out with regardless of the situation and they both have worked so hard and deserved it. Plus, being the last man standing, I had a better night’s sleep so I could wake up early and do one of my favorite things in the world… walk the streets of New Orleans as she lifts herself up from a long night of partying. The streets seem sleepy, almost bleary eyed as the street cleaners come out to wash all of the previous night away so that the next round can start. They are somewhat bare; not many people do this past time with such a vigor as I do. There is nothing like 7am as the sun rises in the Big Easy. The smell of cajun breakfast, the lemon zing of the cleaner, soft jazz playing in the background. I love walking through Jackson Square as the artists are setting up their areas, the church bells ringing off the pavement as a few joggers and a few locals enjoy the cool breeze. I repeat, nothing beats this in New Orleans. This city is not about just booze, breasts and beads. It’s about music. It’s about culture. It’s about art. It’s about beauty.

Me and Sara, bright and early the next morning, enjoying pLink at Cafe Beignet

(Source: flickr.com)